Lockdown and Social Distancing Status Updates
I never thought it would be socially acceptable to say “I wouldn’t touch that with a 10 foot pole!”. In 2021, all we’ll have to talk about is how we managed to source toilet paper and where we sat at home. I never expected I would experience this much joy on finding a packet of toilet paper at the supermarket. I never thought that 3 people in public was really a ‘crowd’ before. When it’s not socially acceptable if you do not stay at home. Every few days it’s a good idea to try your jeans on and make sure they still fit, because pajama’s and sweat pants will have you believe all is well. You can’t fix stupid. Turns out you can’t quarantine it either. People are going crazy from being socially isolated. I’ve just been talking about this with the microwave the the kettle and all of us agree, things are getting bad. April fools day was cancelled this year, because no made up prank could match the unbelievable things going on in the world right now. I’ve been so bored, I went outside to knock on my own door and then come back in and said “Who is it?”. I‘ve washed my hands so many times I‘ve uncovered a night club stamp from 20 years ago. When quarantine is done, I’m coming out fat, broke and possibly divorced. Dear single friends, stay positive and optimistic, after months of lock down, there will be plenty of break ups and new opportunities. Do not call the police if you see suspicious people in your neighborhood. Those are your neighbors without makeup, Botox and hair dye. Me, every time I feel l a tickle in my throat… “Is that you Rona?”. Just want to make this point. In case people haven’t fully realized this yet…The longer you don’t comply with social distancing, the longer we are going to have to do it. I’m already wondering about 2021 and how I’m going to re-purpose my face masks and toilet paper stash. My cat just asked me if I would like him to leave the radio on for me while he goes out.
Quotes About The Impacts Of COVID-19
My weekend travel plans - To the window, to the wall. Dear friends, due to the Coronavirus, I am self-isolating. No one may visit unless you are one of those fire fighter guys holding puppies that I saw on a calendar. If you mix chili in your hand sanitizer, it will not only kill germs but will also teach you not to touch your face and eyes. You’re not stuck at home, you’re safe at home. I don’t even say “Bless you!” when people sneeze any more. I just give them a stare that says stay the heck away from me! You smell so nice, what are you wearing? Dettol. I never thought I’d actually witness fights over toilet paper in my lifetime. I wear a full tutu when I shop so other’s are forced to stay away from me. Moonshine, no officer, we are making hand sanitizer. My thoughts go out to all the married men who’ve spent months telling their wives they will do that when they get more time. My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it actually cleans the toilet. Who would have thought that working in a supermarket would be one of the most secure jobs in the country. In 2019 when I stayed at home the call me lazy. In 2020, now they know me as being a really sensible person. If you’re teaching your children at home, the best thing you can do it to get them to keep a diary, for this is a time in history which will be talked about for years in the future. Not everything is cancelled. Reading and writing are not cancelled, kindness is not cancelled, love is not cancelled, listening to music is not cancelled. Pray for the huggers, we are not OK. Do you know how hard it is not to hug when you’re a hugger, and not to even have the high 5 as an option? The struggle is real. I actually had a date last night. I really liked it. So tonight I’m going to have a fig. A single man with toilet rolls would like to meet a female with had sanitizer for good clean fun.
Snow white is reduced to 6 dwarfs because Sneezy just got quarantined. Many parents are just about to discover the teacher was not the problem. Day 5 of social distancing today. I struck up a conversation with a spider today. He seems nice. He’s a web designer. I’m putting a drink in each room of the house today and calling it a pub crawl! On the Easter holidays, I’m going to the lounge room, the kitchen and the bathroom. Finland has just closed it’s border. No one is allowed to cross the finish line. Sometimes I wonder if all this is happening because I didn’t forward that message to 10 other people. My cleaning lady just called and told me she was working from home and sent me instructions on what to do. What if they close the grocery stores? We’ll have to hunt for our food, and I don’t even know where chocolate lives. I don’t know why my fishing buddy is so scared of the Coronavirus, he never catches anything! I asked a supermarket employee where I would find nuts. He said in the toilet paper isle. I feel so sorry for all the singles to took someone home for a night and are now stuck with them for a fortnight. To all the people who have bought 29 bottles of hand soap, leaving none for others, do you realize that to stop getting the Coronavirus you need other people to be able to wash their hands too? It’s called a quarantine coffee. It’s just like a normal coffee, but it has a margarita in it, and no coffee. I’m having a quarantine party this weekend. None of you are invited. Normally, people are worried that I never go out. Now I’m being praised for it. This is a really good way of getting out of handshakes, holding hands, and being close enough to smell someone else’s bad breath.
© 2020 StrictlyQuotes
Comments
StrictlyQuotes (author) from Australia on April 20, 2020: Thanks, and hoping you stay safe during this challenging time. Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on April 05, 2020: Hi this funny had a good laugh and agree on that life has become tougher. People are staying home, eating, drinking and for got how to socialize outside their homes.
